Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
