How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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