Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
