So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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