Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
