I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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