I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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