Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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