the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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