Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
