Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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