guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
