Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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