Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
