? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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