He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
