I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
