My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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