Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
