yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
