i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
