i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
