Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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