She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
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She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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