My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You pole danced in your parka.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
