4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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