Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
