You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
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Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize