i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am naked and annoyed.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize