So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
