After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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