she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
