True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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