So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
