Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
