what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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