Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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