New invention idea: vibrating tampons
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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