So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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