Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
