i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
