hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
