Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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