Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
