Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
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This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
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He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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