Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
