It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
