If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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