I will die if light touches me.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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