ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize