Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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