Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
