rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Actions speak louder than pants.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
