did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
