I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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