epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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