When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
