I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
