I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
