She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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