It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
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