I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
