just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
