Dual....:-)
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
