Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
