my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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