I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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