he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
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you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
God I need to hump something, right now.
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