she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
