if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
