It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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