Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
