Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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