she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
