I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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