Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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