Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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