I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you never un-have a 4some
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
